Real Men Just Deal With It (www.tonyrogers.com/humor/re...code.htm)
The "Retrosexual Code" and what it means
Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trans-sexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual-bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.
The RetroSexual Code:
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, or favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexaul may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.
A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservior Dogs, Fight Club, etc.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.
Some new ones from an anonymous contributor:
He doesn't need the gas company too light his furnace.
He can rebuild his own damn motor.
He doesn't garnish his walleye with parsley.
He knows beer goes with any meat.
He knows the difference between a big block and a small block.
He knows the garage is the most important building on site.
See the Opposite of Retrosexual...the ridiculous Metrosexual (www.tonyrogers.com/news/metrosexual.htm)
The "Retrosexual Code" and what it means
Ok folks, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, trans-sexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual-bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!
Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture wars, the Retrosexual movement.
The RetroSexual Code:
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV. A Retrosexual, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major re-invention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, or favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie - and ONLY a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can - or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexaul may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.
A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of brandy or whiskey), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), Rambo I or II, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now, Goodfellas, Reservior Dogs, Fight Club, etc.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged in a serious healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride on a plow berm.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he damn well wanted it to land.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except officers above 2nd Lt) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.
Some new ones from an anonymous contributor:
He doesn't need the gas company too light his furnace.
He can rebuild his own damn motor.
He doesn't garnish his walleye with parsley.
He knows beer goes with any meat.
He knows the difference between a big block and a small block.
He knows the garage is the most important building on site.
See the Opposite of Retrosexual...the ridiculous Metrosexual (www.tonyrogers.com/news/metrosexual.htm)
posted by:
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Wed, September 29, 2004 - 6:30 AMSounds like this book: The Big Damn Book of Sheer Manliness. tinyurl.com/49ly9
It's awesome.
I notice it your list doesn't say anything about TV/newspaper people, especially ones who use the word "chide" without flinching...
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Unsu...
Re: Retrosexual Code
Thu, September 30, 2004 - 10:34 PMgood one girl...
though i can't rebuild my own engine, but i can kick your mechanic's ass :) -
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Unsu...
Re: Retrosexual Code
Tue, February 15, 2005 - 12:18 PM<<though i can't rebuild my own engine, but i can kick your mechanic's ass :) >>
Hehe, I can do both.
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Unsu...
Re: Retrosexual Code
Tue, February 15, 2005 - 12:18 PMThis made me join this tribe. DAMNED FINE WRITING!! -
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Sat, June 25, 2005 - 6:20 PMme too. someone sent it to me and I tracked this tribe down!
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Sat, June 25, 2005 - 6:18 PMWhere do I sign up? Is there a waiting list; is it long? I want a Retrosexual Man!!!
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Sun, July 17, 2005 - 7:16 PMWell written, yet it makes me wonder what good yet ANOTHER lable for whateverethehellyouare is gonna do to help?!? I'm a man - a fella - a guy, plain 'n simple! I like how ya think though!
T.Paul
www.t-paul.com/index2.html
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Thu, July 21, 2005 - 4:25 AMSign me up.
As an Aussie Fag. I am still a bloke. This is why I have never fitted into the Queer world. But........ This one I think I would. -
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Thu, July 21, 2005 - 10:27 PMamen, aussie fag who has maintained bein' a man! there's nothin' more off-putting than an over the top queen wonderin' why the man's-man men ain't interested in 'em. i figure if i were gay, i'd wanna be with a man, not some wee lil' pooftah imitating all of the worst qualities of stereotypical womanhood! i've never figured that one out, really. why sleep with another bloke if he's tryin' so hard to be effeminate?
good to have you on board!
t.paul -
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Unsu...
Re: Retrosexual Code
Fri, July 22, 2005 - 10:35 AMI would have to say AMEN to aussie fag too. I consider myself a queer mountain man who seems to fit more into the Retrosexual code than anywhere else. I can’t say I follow all the conscripts but I’m pretty close. I am also more comfortable using this word to describe myself than the word “GAY.” I maintain that the big problem with the whole gay movement is that is trying to create a social structure with a group of men who in reality have only ONE thing in common; the sexual preference for other men. Through the media and other means which it controls we are given narrow range categories in which to express ourselves, so many are forced to become what they really are not.
One thing about the drag queens, they really are into the glamour and put a lot more effort into their outward appearance than most women do. So its not surprising that straight guys will fall for them. A large percentage of an audience at a drag-queen show will be straight. Many times I often run into straight men that should be queer, but I also once in a while, see a queer guy that really should be straight; guys who really wants a woman. For men who are yet insecure in their masculinity and need some one to dominate and/or not feel threatened, some wee lil' pooftah is just the ticket.
I personaly, also find the whole BUTCH thing to be just as unatractive as the drag queens. Some overweight slob in leather with a cheap cigar, imitating all of the worst qualities of stereotypical manhood. He thinks these trapings show he is more of a man? NOT!
Its simple really! If you are throwing some kind of costume on to be something you are not, be it a Cowboy, Trucker, Construction worker, or Femme Fatale…IT’S DRAG!
What I like about the retrosexual code is that it strikes a balance and allows you to be just who you are and at the same time be RESPONSIBLE for yourself. I have to say it would be nice to see a such code for the Gals.
To quote:
<<A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.>>
Yes it is the polite thing to do, but its also rude when the lady wont even aknowlege the favor. If I were straight, the only women I have seen that I have found attractive recently, are principle female charactors in Lord of the Rings. To use a term I heard on South Park, the “Stupid Spoiled Whore” look has nothing endearing and its not even sexy.
A few months ago I was in town which was holding some sort of women’s church group convention. I happened to eating lunch a restaurant which in the short time I was there, filled up with black church ladies. I would have paid addmission to this event. These Gals had it down! They not only were elegantly and tastfully dressed, but they carried themselves with a grace and dignity that commanded respect. The treated each other with and those that worked in the restaurant with equil politness and charm. It was such a breath of fresh air.
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Wed, August 17, 2005 - 3:45 PMSome good points Mate; well said!
Re that BUTCH thing. Yerr it tis close to were I might of fitted in, but I dont, as those guys in leather are nothing more than Muncho Marry's.
I am not over the top, I am just me.
I sing in a Gay and lesbian Chourus, and so much of the time I sit on my own........... I just dont fit in, but I do have through the Mormon Church, have a love to sing...... Other than this I have very little to do with the gay world.
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Wed, August 17, 2005 - 3:39 PMThanks T. Paul. Matie, I have said before and I know I'll say it again: If I want to F#&k a women then I will pick one up.
Were on earth dose a mans man beet another Mans Man? The last time I did he had to go home to Russia...........
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Re: Retrosexual Code
Fri, July 22, 2005 - 9:15 PMMetrosexual does exist and in an alarming fasion...I'm a freaking redneck...I'm writing this in a beater and some sponge bob shorts...I was called Metrosexual for along time cause people didn't have the balls to call me gay to my face...Cause I was worrried about what society thought..And I tried to keep that illusian but you know what my favorite color is? CAMO!..Just as the history books have written that there is a fine line between pleasure and pain there is a fine line between metro and Either or..Deal with it...
Whateveah!
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Unsu...
Re: Retrosexual Code
Fri, August 26, 2005 - 2:16 AMY'know, my favorite name for a metrosexual is a himaphrodite. Think about it...and if that doesn't work look up hermaphrodite and do the math ya pansy.
