THE BUS STOP ~ A SMOKER'S STORY
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Now, this is one of those stories that'll hit a chord with most smokers, albeit an odd an extreme case. I will preface this by stating that I am a pretty damned conscientious fella with awareness of those in my close vicinity and some understanding for those non-smokers. When it comes to smoking outside, however, I occasionally can be a bit of a rebellious guy. See, everywhere in Canada is non-smoking now, so my only safe haven is my home and the out-of-doors, and I'll be damned if someone who is breathing in a buttload of vehicular carbon monoxide and every other airborne toxin is gonna rain on my limited parade whilst I enjoy my tobacco.
So, a few months back, I'm standing at a bus stop in downtown Vancouver. One thing to know 'bout my environment ~ the city I live in is plagued with passive-aggresive personalities and overly politically correct folks. So, as I've been inside for an hour or so, I figure I'll enjoy a smoke while waiting for the bus. As there is a woman in her late 60's/early 70's standing by at the stop as well, I move about 10 feet away from her and make sure I'm down wind. I may be a bit of a prick 'bout my ever-lessening rights, but I was taught to respect my elders!
Some of you may be familiar with what happened next, as it is the friggin' mating call of the passive-aggressive non-smoker. The woman begins an exaggerated cough, waving her hand all dramatic-like in front of her face. Now, I have no idea where this could be going, as it is a complete physical impossibility that she is getting one iota of my smoke blowin' her way - it's windy, and the wind is goin' away from the ole bird.
Much to my surprise, she call over to me with "Would you put that out!" Well, you can figure that was like bein' blindsided with a 2X4! Incredulously, I asked (as I wasn't sure if I'd heard her correctly) "I'm sorry..What?" "Your smoke is bothering me. Put it out!". Now, we're in a pretty nasty end of town, and I'm thinkin' it's a damned good thing the lady has picked me as a target and not someone hittin' the ole glass pipe! That'd been a disaster! I had to be straught with her. "Look" I started, "I'm standing 10 feet from you with the wind goin' that way, and I can't smoke anywhere else, so maybe you should move if it's bothering you that much." I figured that was that...no such luck.
Next...well, next showed me that kooky folks'll be dumb enough to do anything to prove their kooky points. Her retort was "Fine. How would you feel if I started spitting and some of it hit you? Hmm?" I couldn't believe my ears! Was this for real? Then, she did it. Grandma started strolling towards me, spitting on my pant leg. I kid you not! I think I was wearin' one of those faces reserved for those times when you're surprise dry buttfucked with a pool cue without so much as a "how-do-you-do?" - I was shocked. Shocked and pissed off that someone would A) So stupid as to equate one thing with the other (as my smoke wasn't near her!) and B) That gradma was actually committing a crime, as spitting on a person is considered assault in our city!
She got closer and closer, and I said "You're gonna wanna stop that, ya nut!" She didn't. I continued - "Look, lady, I'm normally polite, but you're doin' something I could have you fucking arrested for!". Well, the ole dame got closer and I could see she was gonna aim a wee bit higher -l ike at my face - for her next goober, and I'll be god-god-damned if I was lettin' THAT happen!
I aimed my cigarette, heater forward, in flick position square at her face saying "You're acting like a serious psycho, lady. If ya spit one more time, I'm gonna launch this!".
It was then that my bus pulled up and the driver opened the door, seeing this crazy tableau of an old bitty with a loogie worked up and some pompadoured young guy pointing a butt in her face!
I boarded the bus, and, as can be expected, the driver asked what the hell all that was about. I told him, and thank god he was a smoker too, 'cause his response to the whole thing was "It takes all kinds, huh?".
So, if you're a non-smoker and your standing anywhere near me in the city, keep in mind that you're suckin' in all kinds of shite other than my smoke, and before asking me to either move or to butt out, think about goin' INTO one of the umpteen-million places I CAN'T go with my cigarette!
Best,
T.Paul
*******************************
Now, this is one of those stories that'll hit a chord with most smokers, albeit an odd an extreme case. I will preface this by stating that I am a pretty damned conscientious fella with awareness of those in my close vicinity and some understanding for those non-smokers. When it comes to smoking outside, however, I occasionally can be a bit of a rebellious guy. See, everywhere in Canada is non-smoking now, so my only safe haven is my home and the out-of-doors, and I'll be damned if someone who is breathing in a buttload of vehicular carbon monoxide and every other airborne toxin is gonna rain on my limited parade whilst I enjoy my tobacco.
So, a few months back, I'm standing at a bus stop in downtown Vancouver. One thing to know 'bout my environment ~ the city I live in is plagued with passive-aggresive personalities and overly politically correct folks. So, as I've been inside for an hour or so, I figure I'll enjoy a smoke while waiting for the bus. As there is a woman in her late 60's/early 70's standing by at the stop as well, I move about 10 feet away from her and make sure I'm down wind. I may be a bit of a prick 'bout my ever-lessening rights, but I was taught to respect my elders!
Some of you may be familiar with what happened next, as it is the friggin' mating call of the passive-aggressive non-smoker. The woman begins an exaggerated cough, waving her hand all dramatic-like in front of her face. Now, I have no idea where this could be going, as it is a complete physical impossibility that she is getting one iota of my smoke blowin' her way - it's windy, and the wind is goin' away from the ole bird.
Much to my surprise, she call over to me with "Would you put that out!" Well, you can figure that was like bein' blindsided with a 2X4! Incredulously, I asked (as I wasn't sure if I'd heard her correctly) "I'm sorry..What?" "Your smoke is bothering me. Put it out!". Now, we're in a pretty nasty end of town, and I'm thinkin' it's a damned good thing the lady has picked me as a target and not someone hittin' the ole glass pipe! That'd been a disaster! I had to be straught with her. "Look" I started, "I'm standing 10 feet from you with the wind goin' that way, and I can't smoke anywhere else, so maybe you should move if it's bothering you that much." I figured that was that...no such luck.
Next...well, next showed me that kooky folks'll be dumb enough to do anything to prove their kooky points. Her retort was "Fine. How would you feel if I started spitting and some of it hit you? Hmm?" I couldn't believe my ears! Was this for real? Then, she did it. Grandma started strolling towards me, spitting on my pant leg. I kid you not! I think I was wearin' one of those faces reserved for those times when you're surprise dry buttfucked with a pool cue without so much as a "how-do-you-do?" - I was shocked. Shocked and pissed off that someone would A) So stupid as to equate one thing with the other (as my smoke wasn't near her!) and B) That gradma was actually committing a crime, as spitting on a person is considered assault in our city!
She got closer and closer, and I said "You're gonna wanna stop that, ya nut!" She didn't. I continued - "Look, lady, I'm normally polite, but you're doin' something I could have you fucking arrested for!". Well, the ole dame got closer and I could see she was gonna aim a wee bit higher -l ike at my face - for her next goober, and I'll be god-god-damned if I was lettin' THAT happen!
I aimed my cigarette, heater forward, in flick position square at her face saying "You're acting like a serious psycho, lady. If ya spit one more time, I'm gonna launch this!".
It was then that my bus pulled up and the driver opened the door, seeing this crazy tableau of an old bitty with a loogie worked up and some pompadoured young guy pointing a butt in her face!
I boarded the bus, and, as can be expected, the driver asked what the hell all that was about. I told him, and thank god he was a smoker too, 'cause his response to the whole thing was "It takes all kinds, huh?".
So, if you're a non-smoker and your standing anywhere near me in the city, keep in mind that you're suckin' in all kinds of shite other than my smoke, and before asking me to either move or to butt out, think about goin' INTO one of the umpteen-million places I CAN'T go with my cigarette!
Best,
T.Paul
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Canada
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Re: An off-topic amusing story...
Wed, July 20, 2005 - 5:20 PM<<So, if you're a non-smoker and your standing anywhere near me in the city, keep in mind that you're suckin' in all kinds of shite other than my smoke, and before asking me to either move or to butt out, think about goin' INTO one of the umpteen-million places I CAN'T go with my cigarette!>>
Good one. You know, my dad died from smoking-induced emphysema and his brother from throat cancer....but that was their choice. And while I don't like smoking, the anti-smoking nuts go way overboard.
If I can deal with car exhaust, I can deal with a little smoke now and then. And I also have to think that have the problem with society these days is that people don't try to put themselves the otehr guy's shoes and think that something they enjoy might be verboten under law someday.
